New picture….real update soon…

April 29, 2009

Ben, Cory and Me



April 2, 2009


My Mom passed away Mar 15, 2009, she was 56 years old. It was not expected although she was “sick”. So, I’ve been avoiding writing when I just got back into writing. But I think I can write about it now.
My Mom had been “sick” for some time. I’ll start from the beginning…as she and I had both looked at it. When I was 18 Mom went to a new Dr. who immediately noticed something wrong with her heart. She’d had a heart murmur since birth but no Dr ever mentioned it would cause any Serious issues. She was scheduled for open heart surgery within two weeks of that Dr appt. They removed her mitral valve and replaced it with her pulmonary valve and then they placed a “donor” valve where her pulmonary valve was. It was a newer procedure by a Dr here in STL at BJ Hospital.
Ever heard about people receiving donor organs and then coming out of surgery a different person? That was my Mom…and she knew she was different.
We grew up with my Mom paying the bills the day they came in the mail (if we had the money) and paying off her credit card bill every month. She saved for a trip to Maui without my Dad even knowing before. She was so careful with her money…
As soon as my Mom was able to get out of the house after the first surgery, we went shopping at the Mall. I remember pushing her around in her wheelchair. I don’t remember how much we spent…but we also bought a new car that day…yes, a new car….that day! Her other car was a stick shift and she figured she’d be able to drive again faster if she had an automatic…so we bought one.
She continued to spend a lot…
It seemed pretty immediate that she started having knee pains of some sort…although they seemed like nerve pains that also hurt her knee. The Dr gave her a partial knee replacement. Her knee was never the same.
6-12 months later she was experiencing severe endometriosis and had to have surgery. During surgery, the Dr performed a hysterectomy.
Okay, so not only had that first heart surgery changed her personality, not just her spending habits, she was a different person, I called the other person Maude. Maude wasn’t as wonderful as my Mom…
I think it was just all of the constant pain she experienced that made her an angry person. But sometimes my Mom came back. And I can say without hesitation that there was no nicer person than my Mom. She was an amazing mother and friend. She would help anyone, give them the shirt off of her back…I’m serious….you just don’t understand what a wonderful person she was. I didn’t have those irritating teenage years with her…thats how wonderful.
But all of these surgeries…and my brothers issues too….just changed her…and she was so miserable and in pain.
She had to have open heart surgery again about 6 or so years ago. And this time, they replaced that funky Leaking! valve with a mechanical valve. So my Mom ticked….if you listened very, very closely…I had to lay by her. And this completely freaked her out…as you can imagine. And she didn’t want to have that second heart surgery…she knew the first one had started the decline in her health. Before all of this she worked out 3-4 days a week and like I said, was so happy and wonderful.
Things seemed to continue downward…She had pains no one could diagnose and she went to more than a few new doctors. They finally diagnosed her with fibromyalgia and congestive heart failure. She and my Dad moved to Atlanta for a few years for his job and things only got worse there.
They moved back around here a year ago to be closer to her parents (My grandma is in a nursing home and my grandpa is 88 years old and thinks he’s 25).
And, in the last month or so…things got worse…she was having almost constant chest pains and other pains too. She could not walk without a walker. She couldn’t sleep….or sometimes she slept for days.
She was miserable…and told me so. She was not afraid of dying. She was so tired of not knowing what was wrong and not getting the care she deserved. And I guess….a few days before she died things got worse but she refused to see anyone…I think she knew….she was at that point having some stomach issues too…and was scheduled for an MRI…but died before it could happen. She didn’t want another heart surgery. I know that for sure. Apparently, during heart surgery, they wrangle you around quite a bit, you know, with having to break open the rig cage and all…and I’ve heard that it can cause nerve damage also by being in a weird position for so long. So she knew she just couldn’t go through that….no matter how much I begged her.
My Dad went in to check on her Sunday morning b/c she had been completely out of it the day before (talking to dead relatives, and other things). And he found her, on the floor next to the bed, covered up with a pillow under her head. Her eyes were open. That gets me, you know, I pray that something during her death caused them to open and that she didn’t die while she was laying there awake…I really, really hope she was asleep. 😦 The cause of death, congestive heart failure, they didn’t do an autopsy.
And that’s all I can say right now. This was harder than I thought it would be.

Random stuff

March 13, 2009

First off, I’m irritated with my oldest. Even after a long talk with a co-worker who was giving me advice on how to discipline my son (which I really appreciated). Here’s the deal. He likes to eat lunch at school…meaning a school lunch not a take home lunch. Anyway, that is always fine and dandy with me b/c we are so busy that there isn’t much time to stop and make a lunch, make sure there’s the right food for sack lunches, etc. All through this year we’ve been having problems with him going overboard on the food. Things like buying a slush, extra sandwiches, chips, cookies. The rule, as it has always been, is you get your lunch (fruit and veg included) and you may have either a cookie or a bag of chips…just one thing extra. Because, if I’m gonna pay a ton for lunch, it’s not gonna be cafeteria food. Well, time and time again I’ve discovered (because I micromanage my kids) by looking online at his food service acct. that he is continuing to buy extra stuff…even though he’s been told over and over again not to. Well, last Monday, I’d had it b/c he gets all this extra stuff and then his brother gets screwed and has to have an alternative lunch (pb&j or ham&chz). See, I put money in expecting it to last then he eats so much more and uses up the money in Their lunch acct and then Dylan gets screwed. Dylan never gets more than he is supposed to but he gets stuck eating an alternative lunch b/c Devon won’t listen to us. So anyway, last Monday I told Devon that for the rest of the school year he wasnt going to take his lunch. He was going to eat breakfast before he left for school and make a lunch to take to school. Well, this morning on my way out of the neighborhood I saw his lunch bag on the other side of the little coutry road we live off. I know it was his. I’m 100% positive. And then, I look at his lunch acct and find out he’s been eating lunch and breakfast everyday since this started and while taking his lunch (or throwing it out, whatever it is he’s doing with it). On my way home, I’m going to see if the rest of his lunches are on the other side of the road. I’m livid. I just can’t believe that he’s pulling this shit! And, last night his teacher called b/c he missed two assignments this week and when she told me what he had for homework, I found out he’d lied to me.
My husband missed his flight home this morning and b/c STL is apparently a “popular Spring Break spot” according to the airlines, he may not be home until tomorrow eve. This sucks b/c his Mom is coming into town today for the weekend.
Last, and probably not least b/c it’s only 2 pm, one of my Dad’s good friends died 2 days ago. I had to call my Dad to tell him b/c he lives a couple of hours away and wouldn’t have known. I was actually able to tell my brother instead of my Dad which is good b/c I was very broken up about it. So my Dad is also coming in tonight for the funeral.
Oh, I almost forgot. I spent two days in an all day special meeting. I sat next to someone who is the top dog. I have never met anyone with such horrible manners in my entire life. He burped, farted, slurped, you name it. Every drink of soda was slurped with the utmost slurpyness, every bite of food was chewed with an open mouth and while he was talking. At one point, he even leaned over and ate a piece of lettuce off of his plate without his hands…! I almost went postal. And I will stop there so I don’t get dooced.
I know people have it worse. I remind myself of that everyday ( But today/this week has just been shitty.:(
Calgon (or Captain Morgan) take me away!

Late night at work

March 10, 2009

So I’m working late tonight to train some guys in my department. And with it being later in the day I have no appts to keep me running around and I’m sitting pretty in the “what do I need to get done” department. So I have time to update, and not just read everyone else’s updates;).
Took the fam to Lottawatta Creek last night… They have gigantic portions! I couldn’t have even eaten one of the kids meals! I had a Fried Pickle Ultimate Cheeseburger and ate a little over a quarter of it…It was ginormous! I honestly thought it was going to come back up during the last couple of bites…lol
Boring update, yes, but I’ll update later after I eat dinner:)

Gone again

March 4, 2009

Honey’s gone again…Kansas this time.
I’m very unmotivated today but I just made myself get up and clean a bit. I also made Big D clean out the chinchilla cage. I told him he can’t ever complain about cleaning b/c he has a cell phone that we are paying for. Right now he’s organizing the Wii cabinet b/c its so messy and no one puts the games and controllers back when they’re done.
I’m going to get on the treadmill and watch an episode of whatever’s recorded on the DVR downstairs. And then, a bath and some reading…Laundry can wait!

Random stuff

February 25, 2009

My honey’s out of town again this week. He travels a lot for his job. I’ve gotten used to it…the kids are kind of used to it. They hate it when he tells them he’s going out of town again…but they’re fine when he’s gone. The funny thing (not really) is that when he took this job, he said he wouldn’t be out of town as much as his last job. His last job came with many unexpected and longer duration trips (I hated it!). Now he knows ahead of time. So while he’s gone…my house stays clean and my laundry stays under control…cause he’s a pig…lol
Work is continuing to be a little crazy. Just a few big issues going on and its driving me batty trying to figure out how to resolve them. I’d also like to be told about them by my superiors instead of someone else or figuring it out myself.
We’ve finally figured out where we’re going for our honeymoon…we got married May 28, 2008. We’re going to Alaska! The place we’re going is beautiful…it is Redoubt Mountain Lodge. We’re very excited…no kids…no TV….just the two of us…aaahhhh…However, I am freaking out a bit b/c I found out yesterday that the Redoubt Volcano (8 miles from the lodge) is about to BLOW! Maybe…it’s definitely looking like a strong possibility. We’re not going until July…but what if it keeps doing this until July? I’d much rather it happen and be done with before we go otherwise I’ll be a nervous wreck the whole time I’m there!
Arighty, my hour is up…back to work!

Weekly post

February 13, 2009

It’s looking like Friday’s my only day to actually post a blog. During the week is so busy with kids homework and my work.
This week I picked my brother up from the airport. I haven’t seen him in almost 6 yrs b/c he got in a little trouble some time back and was caught and well, now he’s out. He’s not a bad guy…just has had some addiction problems. He has grown up so much but has also aged a lot. We’re twins and he looks 5 years or so older than me…guess that’s what a place like that’ll do to you. I missed him so much…he’s living with my parents now…and he’s going to go back to school…He seems like he’s going to stay on the straight and narrow (he has kind of been on his own for 16 months at a conversion center that’s supposed to help with getting back to the real world)…I’m cautiously optimistic.
I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I really have nothing planned…watching our friends daughter tomorrow night so we’ll be spending Valentine’s Evening at home…which is fine with me…I’ll just make him cook me something good…since he’s such an awesome cook and all:)


February 6, 2009


Work has been absolutely insane lately…and I’m exhausted in the evening…so no time to chat…but I will post a pic of my Ben.

Superbowl picture

February 3, 2009

This isn’t the greatest…it just shows how completely exhausted I was for our Superbowl Partae…

Superbowl 2009

Superbowl 2009


January 30, 2009

My husband has a cold…and he asked me last night if I was getting it…and I was like, hell no! And today…I’m like, Hell No, I think I’m getting sick…got the sniffles, a little foggy headed…and tonight, is my Girl’s Night Out and tomorrow night we’re actually going out with Friends…so I must get better, now. LOL…